Sorry Mom
by Mollianne Alexis Adams Foster
Summary: A little one-shot about my OC, Kaitlynn as a grown up with kids of her own, and she is writing to her mom, Emma. Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Kaitlynn


Mom, I know I let you down  
And though you say the days are happy  
Why's the power off, and I'm messed up?  
And, Mom, I know he's not around  
But don't you place the blame on me  
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah.

Mom I'm sorry that I've let you down and that I'm not the person you wanted me to be. I know you say you're happy to just have me and my brother, Henry in your life but I can tell that you miss dad. Please don't blame on me for dad not being here. I know he's hurt you because he kidnapped me from you when I was born. Don't worry, you're not alone. Dad hurt me too when he abandoned me when I was only five years old, and when he lied to me when I was three and told me that you abandoned me.

I guess we are who we are  
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on  
Maybe we took this too far

I used to hate you because I thought that your had abandoned me like dad said. And it wasn't until I was ten that I found out you didn't. That was seven years later, so for seven years I hated you and thought that you had abandoned me. In the past I've written things in my diary about you and how I hated you, but I need you to know that I don't mean it anymore. I love you so much mom.

I went in headfirst  
Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse  
My mom probably got it the worst  
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are  
Did I take it too far?

About the things I've written in my diary. Please don't pay any attention to them. I was young and I had been hurt time and time by people who had sworn to love and protect me. I had thought I was alone, but now I realize I'm just like you, mom. And I know most of the hurtful things in my diary are directed towards you, mom, but that was because I thought you didn't want me and I thought you didn't care about or love me.

"Cleaning Out My Closet" and all them other songs  
But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, Ma,  
You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom

I really don't hate you mom. I love you so much because you brought me into this world and I know I didn't know you for the first eleven years of my life, but thinking back I realize how hard it must have been for you. You carried me around in your belly for nine months and then I was cruelly taken from you by dad. You are so beautiful, strong, and amazing. I love you, mom.

Though far be it from you to be calm, our house was Vietnam  
Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb equivalent to Chemical warfare  
And forever we can drag this on and on  
But, agree to disagree

Our house wasn't always calm, especially considering who we are related to and because villains are always after us. Since we were both born of true love, if we combined used our magic together it would form an atomic bomb that is equivalent to chemical warfare. We could destroy a whole state using only one blast of magic.

That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean a thing to me  
You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)  
Ma, let me grab my warm coat, anything to have each other's goats  
Why we always at each other's throats?  
Especially when dad, he messed us both

I'm sorry for all those years ago when we have a big fight on Christmas Eve. I walked out on you and completely shut you out of my life like you didn't mean anything to me. I want you to know that even though I still loved you as much as I did when we were first reunited when I was eleven. If I could go back in time and change what happened that day, I would. When I was a teenager, we were always at each other's throats. It was mostly my fault though. I was cruel as a teenager and I acted like I hated you, even though I didn't. I know now that I'm grown up, being a teenager is a confusing time because I wasn't a kid anymore but at the same time I wasn't an adult yet. Plus we have my background of eleven years of not knowing you to account for. I know that still doesn't excuse how I treated you, but just know that I am very sorry

We're in the same damn boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)  
Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings  
Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road  
And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load  
Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old,  
And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable  
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though

I know what dad did to us wasn't okay. He messed us both up. And I know that my brother and I didn't always have the best life but you tried your best. And my brother, Henry was the oldest so his shoulders carried the weight of the load. Henry always tried to help where he could, especially if it lessened the load that you have to carry. Then Uncle Neal got taken away by Zelena at eight years old. I then realized that what dad did to you when he left wasn't fixable or changeable. I'm sorry that I was mad at you after Uncle Neal got taken away. I just thought you could have done more to protect your little brother.

'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand babies grow  
But I'm sorry, Momma, for "Cleaning Out My Closet", at the time I was angry  
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though,

I'm sorry that I distanced myself from you for many years because you didn't even get to see your grand babies grow. My kids are beautiful, and I love them so much. I am proud of them for everything they have done and I will continue to be proud of them for all the days of my life. I have five kids, three biologically and two adopted. Margaret Rose who just turn 18. Then is 17 year old, Phoebe Marie who I adopted from Italy when she was two. Next is 15 year old Joshua Daniel, who was adopted. Last but not least are my twins, Raina Grace and Janelle Amelia who are 14 years old. Also I am currently fostering to adopt a five year old boy, Samuel Matthew and his twelve year old sister, Leah Ruth. All of my kids are wonderful, even Samuel and Leah.

'cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes  
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio  
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home  
And all the medicine you fed us  
And how I just wanted you to taste your own,

I now know that Uncle Neal getting kidnapped by Zelena wasn't your fault. You did all you could to protect him. I'm sorry and I'm not mad at you anymore. But I still feel so sad every time I think of Uncle Neal growing up with Zelena. I can't even begin to imagine how she treated him. Though sometimes I wonder if she was mean and cruel to him or if he was loved, and I fear that we may never know. And when I think about that I just have to tell myself that our family always finds one another, so I know that we will find Uncle Neal.

But now the medications taken over  
And your mental state's deteriorating slow  
And I'm way too old to cry, this is painful though  
But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo  
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both  
Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours  
But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have,

I know I'm too old to cry but this is painful. I know you regret that I had to grow up in foster care for six years but that's ok. I forgive you because it wasn't your fault. It was dad's fault for kidnapping me from you at birth and then abandoning me five years later.

'cause one thing I never asked was  
Where the heck my deadbeat dad was  
Forget it, I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address  
But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus  
Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas  
Someone ever moved them from me? That you coulda bet your ashes  
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them

Somethings I never asked were why dad would kidnap me from you, why he would abandon me, and why you never looked for me after I was kidnapped from you. I guess he couldn't handle being a dad, and you were probably scared seeing as you had given Henry up for adoption. If my kids had been taking from me I would have searched the entire universe for them. I would even kidnap them from whoever took them from me to get them back.

And although one has only met their grandma once  
You pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers  
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you  
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me  
As we pulled off to go our separate paths,  
And I saw your headlights as I looked back  
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad

Only one of my kids, Margaret has met you, mom and it was only in passing. She was only two so she wouldn't remember. And I remember as you left I saw your headlights and looked back. I'm mad at myself for not thanking you sooner for being my mom and my dad, so I'll thank you now. Thank you mom.

So, Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet  
I guess I had to get this off my chest,  
I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead  
The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing  
So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar  
'Cause you're my Ma

I hope you accept my apology because I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I will always love you because when I came to Storybrooke as an eleven year old and found you, you accepted me. You loved and cared for me. You did everything that all my foster parents promised to do. Thank you for being my mom.

I want a new life (start over)  
One without a cause (clean slate)  
So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)  
Well, no matter what the cost

I don't want to leave our relationship the way it is. I'm coming home now, mom. No matter what it cost. You can meet all you grandkids and your two soon-to-be grandkids.

And if the plane goes down  
Or if the crew can't wake me up  
Well, just know that I'm alright  
I was not afraid to die

I want you to know that even if I die before you that I'll be fine. And I hope you get this message I am writing to you.

Oh, even if there's songs to sing  
Well, my children will carry me  
Just know that I'm alright  
I was not afraid to die  
Because I put my faith in my little girls  
So I never say, "Goodbye, cruel world."  
Just know that I'm alright  
I am not afraid to die

If I die I'll never say ,"Goodbye cruel world" even though when I was in the foster system I thought I would commit suicide and have to say those words. I'm putting my faith in you and my kids. Mom, please know that I'm alright and that I'm not afraid to die.

I want a new life

I want a new life for us, mom. I want us to get along better.


End file.
